April 6, 2021

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Dear August,
Four years seems like two and twenty all at once. Two because you’re still my sweet baby in so many ways—your little voice, soft, chubby, wee hands and feet, button nose. Twenty because our hearts have known each other for lifetimes.

I remember the night before you were born —swaying on the exercise ball with Scarlett Rose in my lap singing to the Beatles’ Twist and Shout—feeling peaceful yet electrified that you were coming soon. And as it turned out, that is you: peaceful and electric. 

Your peaceful side looks like determined eyes flipping through pictures in a favorite book, “floating” on your back in the bathtub, a soft smile as you listen to sissy hashing out her next zany idea; it sounds like you singing along to Edelweiss knowing every darn word and almost killing mama from the sweetness of it all; it feels like your soft baby kid body in my lap as we read or talk about the world, and in my arms when you need reassurance that this life will be ok.

Your electric side looks like a little blonde blur running past, dirt, rocks, and bouncy balls flying; it sounds like the best, most free belly laugh you’ve ever heard, little feet kicking the locked door,  moody shrieks because the blue thing isn’t red or because we can’t have pizza everyday; it feels like catching a wild bird in mid flight to take him to his bath, pulled hair and tears, my heart bursting.

Who you are at four is so fun: a perfect mix of new along with the parts we have always loved…

You surprise us everyday with all the things you can do! When Scarlett finally decided to take her training wheels off, you demanded to follow suit, and what do you know, you took off riding like you’d been doing it all (3.5 years) of your life! 

You are in the habit of coming into our bed in the middle of the night—pitter patter, bump thump up into our bed (you even remember to bring your pillow along, don’t worry we have an extra blanket for you) and while it sometimes keeps me from a good night’s sleep, I secretly love feeling your kicks, hearing your sweet dreamful sighs, and waking up to your little face (that nose! those eyelashes!)

You are a sweet cuddly boy who also has a stormy side and you let it be known when you are unhappy—something you’ve done since you were a baby, only a little bit more thunder and lightning now;)

Speaking of cuddly, you still pause for mama cuddles throughout your day (please, never ever stop). And your hugs are the BEST thing. You squeeze me so tight that I feel like the best part of me finally rejoined the whole for just a little while.

You have always loved learning about animals, and Wild Kratts is one of your most favorite things in life at this age. You retain facts about animals so well, and have the names of all the local Missouri birds down (swoon).

You could listen to stories all day—mama reading, audiobooks, Stories Podcast, you LOVE being read to and follow along even with stories meant for older children. Hearing you burst (and I mean BURST) out laughing at silly parts in a story is the greatest thing in this world.

You are happiest outside in nature, exploring and acquiring as much dirt as possible . One of the blessings of the past year has been more time adventuring outdoors together and it makes my heart sing that you have learned to appreciate its beauty at this young age.

You and your sister are the absolute best of friends, and at times the worst of enemies. However, the time spent being best friends far outweighs the latter—when you are at odds, you both quickly forget about it so as not to waste time getting ready for your next adventure.

Oh my pizza loving, nose mining, animal expert, fast as Dash, strong as Hulk, joyful, tempestuous, sweet, strong-willed, wonderful son..

You are magical. I could stare at you for days and days, memorizing you at this age as I have done for every age before this one. I can’t always remember where I put that thing, what time the appointment is, or what the book I just read was about, but I will always remember you—as you are, as you were, as you will be.

Love you now and always,

Mama